Renew HERE. Here is your sign-by-sign Coronavirus Sign Guide. Please take with the humor and respect with which it is intended. I could say FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY, but that’s used to discredit astrology, so I won’t do it. Enjoy. And stay safe, at home, check in on the elderly and unwell, and wash your hands. I love you. And we will get through this. This is our finest hour.
THE CORONAVIRUS SIGN GUIDE
Aries: I’m going crazy. I feel caged. Now we have to find virtue in virtual friends.
Taurus: Stay safe. I have to take care of my (elderly relative). I’m considering all the options.
Gemini: Keep having fun. Is this guide patented by the way?
Cancer: I’ve got some set aside. We’re just staying in. I love isolation time with the people I love.
Leo: Well, I’m just hanging out. I made chocolate chip cookies and soda bread with cranberries and dropped them off to the little old ladies down the street. Everybody’s keeping a good face on it. We have no choice.
Virgo: Are you keeping your immune system healthy and taking all your vitamins? Can I send you some zinc?
Libra: You have to keep living elegantly. No fighting. It’s survival. (Libras, of which I am one, become ill by ugliness. Help them keep it beautiful.)
Scorpio: People are stealing. I’m just thoroughly disgusted. It could have been prevented by preparation, more ventilators, more necessary equipment. It’s only three weeks since it was declared a hoax.
Sagittarius: But think of all you can do with your friends! And your loved ones. This is a time not to panic, but to stay sane. Do your best.
Capricorn: It’s a tragedy. But you have to keep working. Somehow. Are you okay? Someone’s looking after you.
Aquarius: Coronavirus is a catalyst, not the root cause of the economic crisis the U.S. is facing right now.
Pisces: I have to get more sleep. What did you say my rising sign was again?